City of The Damned


Ryan

Everyone knows the life of the famous faces of Fall Out Boy and Panic At The Disco. Yeah, I said it. Panic without the exclamation point. I said that we might make a copywriter’s work a little easier, and as I type this, I can fully say that it is true. Anyway, I have little time to do this, so let’s get to business. Life can be so scripted when you’re always in front of a lens. Either you’re famous, infamous, a has been or like, whatever. It’s driving me up the wall sometimes cause I can’t fuck up. Don’t get me wrong, I love my work, my band mates, and my family in the FBR label. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. That’s just the point.


I love one of them to death, you wouldn’t believe it. How can I put this… It’s beyond lust, so much more than a crush and way deeper than friendship. It’s because of that friendship that it kept growing… I have this strong foundation of everything good I could ever ask for that it just became a part of me. I know… I’m head over heels in love. It’s even cheesy for me, but I wish it were just as easy to show or even say. Let’s see, tell me what you think, okay? "Hey Bee. Wanna play GH? Oh yeah, I love you too. So? How about that game?” Maybe…  “Brendon, I don’t know why the hell I waited so long to say it, but I feel the same way about you.” Fuck. I can see him now, laughing his ass off…  “I fucking love you, Urie! Deal with it.” Okay, I’m not heartless. I just wanna say it so badly for so long it may come out that way…



“I can’t do this…” I rub my palm against my forehead. It’s too much really, I think I may explode.

“Did you say something?” Brendon’s head came in to view on my bunk, holding his lollipop.

“No Bren. Well… Yeah. It’s…”

Brendon sat next to me, putting an arm across my shoulders and giving me a sweet smile. “You do know you can tell me anything, right Ry?”

I nod a little. “I… I think I’m gonna br-“

Jon came bursting through the doors of our bunk room.

“Guys!!! We’re here already and you two aren’t dressed yet?! Bren, I know you’re not allowed to drink, but we want you to go and party with us. It’s been awhile. And Ryan, I know how much you love to sit and just do whatever it is you emos do, but can you please hurry your ass?” Jon gave us a stern look.

“Papa Jon, I can’t believe you’re trying to corrupt little ol’ me…” Brendon pouted. Oh how I wish to kiss those pillow lips and, “Ry… Do you think I should go?” He smiled at me. Jon rolled his eyes and looked at me frantically.

“Of course you should. We’d want you to.”

Brendon giggled and got up to get ready.

“What about you Ryan? Are you gonna suck it up or are you gonna stay here?” I folded the top corner of the page I’m reading to mark the book, hid it under my pillow and turned off my laptop.

“First off, I’m no emo, Jon. Just cause I like to think and be by myself every once in a while doesn’t mean I want to die. Second, I’m reading a book and just typing some stuff, so yeah, not an emo. And third, Brendon’s right. We shouldn’t teach him more vices…” I bit my lip at the last part. How can we make such a perfect angel into a fuck up like us?

“Oh please, don’t give me that. He makes his own decisions.” Jon walked over to the door. “But you’re right. We’ll look out for him. I love that kid, you know?” I smiled because he’s willing to help.

“Just tell Spence that we’ll be out in a minute.”

Jon looked scared. “Oh my God. Do you know how he’s been bitching me for the past hours getting here? I cannot take the beast.” Jon whispered.

“I fucking heard that Walker! Get out here you bastard."

I laughed at Jon, afraid for him too. “Go to his lair and make him happy.” I patted his back, holding back more laughter. Jon nodded with a sigh, “Coming honey…”


As soon as Jon left, I went to the back of the bus with Brendon to get dressed.

“Man. I swear, if those two break up, I won’t go near Spencer…” Brendon chuckled. I  laughed. Yeah. Let me tell you, Brendon is so right. Unless you’re carrying a big box of chocolate muffins and offer it to Spin, get the fuck away.

“Nah… Those two are gonna work it out no matter what. You know Jon. He gave up a lot of things for Spin.” Brendon smiled.


I looked around our big closet, only to find that our clothes are all mixed. I sighed and picked up a few things. When I pulled a scarf from the pile, it all just, tumbled down and got more messed up. Brendon giggled and helped me clean a little.


“So what do you think I should wear?” I ask him, breaking the silence. I held up a few possible things in front of me, letting Bren see them on me.

“You’re seriously asking that? Cause you look good in everything…” Is he blushing? Why’d you look away so quickly.

“Well… I don’t know, I mean… Keltie’s gonna be there so, I guess I wanna look extra good?” Fuckfuckfuck. Why couldn’t my mouth function like my brain.

“Oh.” Brendon looked crestfallen but hid it quickly and smiled. “Uhmm… Maybe you should try my kinda look. Coat and tie?” Brendon handed me his favorite tie and smiled even more.

“Okay. At least I won’t look stupid alone.” I grinned.

Brendon glared playfully. “Well, excuse me for being a little manlier with my fashion sense.”

I snorted at that. I didn’t mean too, it just slipped out. “What now?” Brendon grinned. 

“Nothing mister apple-bottom jeans, boots with the fur…”

Brendon’s jaw fell. “Oh no you didn’t, Ross.” He smacked my head a bit. “You know I don’t like it…” He blushed again.

Is it wrong to say that I like it? I mean, ehm, right. “Sorry. Let’s just get ready, okay?” I turned from him and started changing my clothes. He sat down and put on his shoes, checking his Sidekick, waiting for me.

“How do I look?” I turn to him. At first he didn’t speak, and I swear, my heart rate went ten fold. “Well?”

Brendon grabbed his Sidekick and started texting again. “Keltie’s gonna love it.” He said flatly. I just wanna bang my head to the wall.

“Thanks.”


I went over to the mirror and started putting the usual stuff on myself. Tonight, just a bit of eyeshadow and eyeliner. I couldn’t help but look at Brendon a few times, so I finished fixing myself quickly.

I composed myself and looked at Bren's reflection again.“C’mere. Let’s put some on you.”

Brendon looked up and smiled. “Fine…” He sat on the chair in front of the mirror and pouted. “Make it simple, please?”

I softly smiled. There’s no need for too much work on such a pretty face anyway. “Just eyeliner, okay?” I smiled more at him. He nodded.

I told him to close his eyes for a second so I could start with his lids. When he did, I couldn’t help my blood from making me turn a few shades of red. “This won’t take long.”

Brendon smiled. “I trust you.”

“Stop moving, Bren. You’ll mess it up.” I held his cheek and he instantly stiffened. When I started drawing a thin line above his eyelids, I felt Brendon melt in my touch. My heart just swelled even more.


“Open your eyes.” It almost came out as a whisper. I tried to find my voice again. “Look up or something so you wouldn’t blink.” As my hand touched his cheek, lingering to his jaw, Brendon looked straight at me, not blinking. So I was drawing it under his eyes, but I couldn’t help looking at him too. We did it a few times but the last one, we were just gazing at each other. “All done.” I finally said, taking my hand away.

Brendon stood up and looked away. “Yeah.”


<333


“Hey hey party people!!!” Pete came to our table. Brendon gave him a sweet smile then looked at the performers. “So what’re you guys doing just sitting in this booth?” Pete grinned.

“Just waiting for Keltie.” I smiled, albeit hesitantly.

“Waiting for you.” Brendon piped in. Pete gave him a devilish smile and Brendon returned it. My stomach felt sick.

Then Keltie appeared out of nowhere. “Hey, baby.” She gave me a small peck.

“Right, right. So Ryan, how’re things with you two?” Pete asked concerned, but his eyes lingered on Bren who was looking back at him a bit more shyly. But then he looked away at nothing in particular.

“It’s been good.” It’s true. It was alright. Keltie giggled that awful noise…

Brendon looked away again. I noticed him looking at Joe and Andy, sharing drinks. When he saw that I was looking too, he just shrugged.

“Let’s do that too, Ry!” Keltie grabbed our drinks and laced our hands. I smiled at her, being the sweet girl she is. Oh God, she’s making it harder for me to break up with her… “Mmm… I missed you so much, Ry.”

I could feel the stares of my two friends. “Me too.” We downed our drinks and talked a bit.

“Excuse me for a sec, okay?” Pete asked. I nodded. Brendon kept looking back at Pete, smiling. A little more open.

“Whoa there babe. Don’t you think you’ve had a tad too much?” Pete smiled, catching his tipsy girlfriend. “Hehehe… I dunno bebe…” Ashlee giggled and kissed Pete’s nose.

Brendon looked over a little to where Patrick is. They locked eyes and gave each other a few smiles. Then Brendon shook his head. What was that about?

“So dear, how are things?” Keltie laced our fingers and leaned on me a bit. “Just the way things should be.” I smiled back at her. “And Brendon. How have you been? Did Ry do things he’s not supposed to?” She giggled and Brendon politely smiled back. “I’ve been good. Nothing that I can’t handle. And, not that I know of. Like he said, everything’s where they should be.” Brendon looked down.

“Good, good.” She looked at me and gave me a chaste kiss.

“So… Urie?” Pete came back, a creepy smile on his face. Brendon smiled again and looked at him with expectant eyes. “Mind if I borrow Brendon here, Ryan?”

“Oh, he won’t mind.” Brendon cut in, still looking at Pete. Pete’s grin became wider and looked at me.

Brendon just stood up and pulled him away, not so much as a glance my way.

“What was that about?” Keltie giggled, and looked at where they left.

“I have no idea…”



Pete

“Thanks for that Pete.” Brendon smiled, but was looking down at his shoes. I put an arm around his shoulders and smiled at him. “It’s no problem, Bee. Just wanna take you away from that snob namely Ryan Ross.” I grinned.

“Yeah, well…” He bit his lip. He truly looks lost.

I cannot understand why Ryan just won’t love this kid back. He’s fucking adorable! Like the most. Well, after Patrick… Definitely after Patrick. If Patrick loved me back like Brendon is for Ryan, man, I won’t waste time like he does.


“Okay!! Let’s teach Brendon here a little something…” I said to my band mates. Joe and Andy quickly agreed. Patrick on the other hand remained silent, but was looking at us. When Brendon gave him a soft smile, Patrick nodded.

“Let’s start with the basics. Joe, Andy, suck me.” Trohley looked at each other and gave me a what-the-fuck look. I laughed a bit. “My fingers idiots. And hey, it’s for a good cause.”

“What good cause, Pete?” Patrick asked. I racked my brain for a good answer. “Just teaching Brendon here how to please Ryan.” I grinned at him. Trohley was about to start but was just creeped out and refused to do it. I don’t blame them. It’s too risky to be seen. But still! It would've been fun.

Bren was blushing profusely and just stared at me. “So, like, you admit that you and Ryan…”

“It was a one night stand.” Patrick answered. He didn’t look at me for the rest of the night.


<333


Okay… I just want to show Brendon a good time and what do I get? An angry Patty. When the night flew by, Brendon said he felt better, promised to be happy no matter what, and thanked us all for spending time with him. I would’ve had fun too if it wasn’t for Patrick.


“What’d I do now?” I ask him as I sat down on my bunk. Patrick just looked at me and shook his head. “Nothing. You didn’t do anything.”

Was that supposed to confuse me more? I don’t know what he really wants to say. He’s more reserved than I ever thought I was with my problems. I laid on my bed.

“I’m still sorry…” I drifted off.


...


“Oh my God… Pete!”

I broke my kiss with Jeanae and looked at my band mates. Well, except for Patrick. He’s not here.

“How could you?”

I just stared silently at them. Then they disappeared into thin air. I looked over at Jeanae and she just laughed maniacally. I got away from her as fast as I could.

Then I ran into Patrick. “Sorry about what happened withher,  Pete.” Patrick held my hand and disappeared into the light.


...


“Cheesy nightmare.” I wiped my forehead and stood from my bed, my elbows supporting me. I looked over Patrick’s sleeping figure. He forgot to close the curtains of his bunk. I went over to him and just sat there for a moment.

“I love you Tricky… Always have, always will.” I pulled up his bed sheets to give him more warmth.

He stirred a little and I froze. “Then why do you have her?” Patrick whispered, not moving. I’m completely panicking now. I guess I should tell him…

“Cause you don’t love me back…” I sighed in relief, prepared to walk away.

“Then you’re as dumb as they say, Wentz.” Patrick pulled his bed sheets more and moved closer to the wall, away from me.


<333


“Listen, about last night…” I start, looking at Patrick with pleading eyes.

“It’s cool. Nothing’s changed. Nothing will ever change. And yeah, I’m sorry for insulting you.” He opened the door of the van for me. I got in and stayed silent.

Patrick started texting and all I could do is stare out my window. “Ashlee wants to know why you’re not picking up your phone.”

I looked at him and gave a confused look. Then I searched my tight pants, to no avail. “Here.” Patrick gave me his Sidekick and looked away. Ashlee and I started a little conversation.

Yep. It’s over. Turns out she wanted to break up last night but she got drunk and didn’t know how to say it. Reason? I didn’t get it either… That’s just great. An important person in my life just dumped me by text message.

“Sorry.” Patrick said, looking at me with concerned eyes. I just breathed out and stared out the window. From relief? I don’t know…


<333


Andy was sitting in a booth from this diner. “Hmm… No… Maybe… Uhuh…” He thought hard, covering his face and looking down.

I just watched him from another booth. Wait, what the hell? Why do I always have my old hair in my dreams? Sheesh… You’d think that dreams will let you do or have what you want…

Wait.

Is this another sign? How the fuck am I supposed to understand my fucked up dreams?! I rarely even sleep.

“Just ask me when you wake up.” Andy shook his head at me, an amused smile on his features.

“Okay.” I smiled. I take it back. My dreams are alright.


...


“I hear you’re having problems… Want to talk about it?” Andy sat next to me on the table of our bus, Cheerios in hand. “Yeah… Ashlee left. And well…” I sighed again. I have a feeling I’m gonna do that for awhile.

“You expect Patrick to just fall in your arms and live happily ever after?” Andy smiled, taking a spoonful of cereal.

“Sort of, uhmm… Yeah…” I looked down at my shoes. I guess that’s what you’re supposed to expect in my situation, right?

“This isn’t a bandslash Pete. You have to work for it. Think of what Patrick feels.” Andy patted my knee.

He told me loves me right? Well… in his own way. That’s how he feels. What more is there? I felt my brows crease 'cause this is just confusing for me.

“Pete, Patrick feels like your rebound. He feels that he’s always your last resort. I know it’s just for girls but, he wants to feel like he’s worth the hard work of getting a ‘yes’. Do you get it now?”

I looked at him, bewildered. “He told you all that?”

He shook his head. “Patrick never tells how he feels if they’re about you."

And somehow that hurt more than how easy Andy says it. I wanted to cry right then and there, but I didn’t.

“Thanks. I’ll get on that, right now.” I smiled at him, determined,  and made him look out for me. Andy nodded and promised to help. “Me and Joe will definitely be here for you guys. We’re kinda tired of watching you two make fun of us when you so want it for yourself anyway.” We laughed.


Ryan

Ash Wentzday is gone forever, yadayadayada… That’s great! Now how about me? I still have my problem. I want a break up, not Pete! Okay, maybe he wanted it a little, from the IMs we’ve had over the last few months, but still! Can’t I ever have what I want? For fuck’s sakes.

“That’s even better!” I screamed at my laptop, glaring at the message. Turns out Pete finally won Patrick’s love again. How I envy them.

“What’s great, Ryan?” Brendon asked me, Red Bull in hand, plastic guitar hanging from his middle.

“Nothing, Bren. Just good news. Patrick and Pete are officially Peterick.” I gave a genuine smile. I am happy for them. Just wishing for myself a bit...

Brendon smiled and giddily announced it to the rest of the people in our bus.

I called Pete this time. “So… Glad to hear you’re happy now, Peterick.” I chuckled. After all, I have to use it as much as I can.

”You can be happy too, Ryden. Just get your lazy ass moving.”

I shook my head. “We can’t all be lucky, Wentz. Not everyone’s girlfriend breaks up with them when their boyfriend secretly loves someone else.” I shook my head.

”You do know you sounded completely rational right? Any idiot would break up with their partner if they want someone else. Fucktard.”

We laughed.

Okay, in my mind, it’s not that easy. Keltie’s nice. She makes me happy and I’m doing a hell of a good job in my end. So why can’t it just stay like that?

“Ryan?” Brendon checked up on me again.

”Is that Brendon?!! Give him the fucking phone and I'll do it for you!!!” I covered the mouth piece.

“Yeah?” My heart was racing because Pete keeps screaming on the other line.

“I’m sorry I keep calling you Ryan instead of Ry these past few months…” He pouted, his hand running through his almost raven hair. “I guess, if your girl calls you that, I have no right, you know?” He looked at me. “I know it sounds stupid, but, I don’t know. This voice in my head just says I can’t…” He looked serious this time.

“It’s okay.” I bit my lip, looking away. He started to leave the bunk area. “You know what, Bren? Only you can call me that. We can’t stop Jon and Spencer, but, you know.” I smiled at him. I was a second away from saying Joncer. I don’t want to upset Brendon even more. “Thanks, Ry.” He giggled as he went back outside, and my smile grew wider.


”Man. You’re so difficult… I don’t know what Brendon sees in you. Maybe it’s the pretty face.” He’s laughing his ass off.

“Don’t call me pretty. Anyway, I just wanna say we’re all glad for you guys and that you keep it strong, okay?” I sure as hell can’t. I can’t even fight for Brendon…

”Thanks, man. But seriously, look around. Ryden’s the only missing piece here. And if you don’t make a move, someone else will.”

I hung up.

The thought never even occurred to me. Brendon? With another guy? That’s, just… wrong.

I have to end it with Keltie. I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s sure to find someone else. But what if she cries? I’m not good with a crier. I won’t be able to handle it.

“Help me…”



Pete

Wow… Almost a year has passed. I have never been happier and content with my life. We’ve been receiving good news on our cover with Beat It and Fuck Live. And, Patrick and I have been closer than ever. Yeah. Think of all the pervy things your little horny minds could. Okay… I admit.

We’re sweet.

We are! I can’t believe it either sometimes. Ashlee taught me a bit in that department. Yep. She and I are still friends. I guess she just wants me and Patrick to be really happy. And man, she’s happy now too. I couldn’t ask for better people around me right now.

“Pete!!! Stop smooching up with the fans all over the world and get out here. We’re on in five minutes!” Joe screamed.

Patrick came back to our dressing room and sat on the couch with me. “You ready?” He blushed. “Pete, I know it’s kinda obvious for everyone that we’re together, even before we really weren’t… but, now that we’re officially announcing it… I’m scared.”

I set away my laptop and hugged the greatest boyfriend ever. “Tricky…” I nuzzle his hair. “Tell me. How’re we gonna deal with it?”

Patrick let out a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad you said that. Wait here.”

He got up from the couch and got these fedora looking straw hats. “Haha… You serious?”

He giggled. “I am!!! I just… I dunno. Brendon gave me these a few months back. He said this was his thanks for that night at the party. I guess we should wear it, you know? That kid needs love.” Patrick now looked serious and held my hand.

“I know…” I gave him a peck in the cheek.

“So… We’re gonna wear ‘em?” Patrick smiled. I nodded. “You do know we’ll look stupid, right?” He laughed.

“Yeah I do.” But he knows I'll do anything to please him.

He got up and started heading for the door. “The best part is, they’re gonna think it’s your idea.” He laughed again, eyes shining, then left.

“Evil little Patty.” I smiled.



Ryan

“Is it true that you and Brendon are officially dating? Since Pete and Patrick are, we just assumed…” A fan asked us in one of our Q&As.

“Sadly, no.” Brendon answered, all the while, laughing. I wish we were though.

Yeah, yeah. I’m still working on it… I just wish I could grab Brendon and kiss him in front of everyone to make the message crystal clear.

“But we do love each other.” I answered too. Everyone started reacting. Brendon looked at me, confused. After all, he’s supposed to be the one to show that kind of stuff to the fans, not me. I usually just give him the go signal.

But now, I'm smiling wide at him. For him.

<333

“Can we talk a bit, Bren?” I whisper at him. Brendon bit his lip, but agreed.

“What was that about Ryan?” Jon asked, then taking a drink. Spencer gave me a horrified look. “Lalalalalala… I don’t wanna know…”

I laughed at him a little. Probably from confusion too.

“Let’s leave the two, alright?” Spence pleaded to Jon. “Okay Spin baby…” Jon was starting to get a little drunk. But then again, “Brendon? You know where to find me, right kid?” Brendon nodded at him.


When they left, I thought it was going to be easy. Silence. Even that is driving me insane right now. I looked at Brendon. He was looking at me too, but then he looked away.

“Uhh… What are we supposed to talk about, Ry?” He was biting his bottom lip, running a hand through his hair.

I’m nervous as hell here too, Bren.

So I started playing with my hands. “That… Maybe… I dunno.” I looked at him. Do I have to spell it out to him?

He gave me a small smile and left.

Good going, Ross.


Pete

“Ryan!!! I’m already gonna ask Patrick to move in with me and you still haven’t told Brendon?!” I whisper at the phone. I don’t want Patrick to hear my little surprise.

”I already broke up with Keltie…”

I plastered the hugest smile I could. “At least you made a little progress. So what’s the deal?” There was no answer.

“Fuck this shit. Ryan. What do you want? You want Brendon, right? Then get it over with!” I sighed heavily.


Ryan

”I don’t know how… I want it to be special for him. I don’t care if you think I’m acting like a diva, but I want Brendon to know how much he means to me and I want it to be a time he’ll never forget.”

“I don’t think you’re a diva NOW, Ross. But I have to tell you, Brendon won’t ever forget the day you’ll say you want him too, no matter how you do it. That’s how much he loves you.” I could feel the nostalgia in his voice.

”You think so?” I sounded more nervous now than I’ve ever been.

“Go to him…” We laughed and then hung up. But my laugh died down when I heard something outside.

I swear, I just heard footsteps moving away from our bunks.




Pete

This is it. Two happy year have gone and I’m gonna ask Patrick to marry me. You think you’re ecstatic? No shit.

“Breath, dude. Just breath.” Joe said, rubbing my back. Andy made sure that I have everything I needed with me. My Sidekick, wallet, my keys and of course, the ring.

“Now… Just call us if he said ‘no’, okay?” Andy chuckled. Joe just laughed. I sort of laughed. I think it’s cause of my nerves, so it sounded like a cry too.

“You’ll be fine, Pete.” Joe patted my shoulder. I nodded. “Now go. He’s already at the park near that tree of yours. We sorta just left him there, so yeah, go.” Both of them laughed. I wanted to tackle them for just leaving Trick there, but they helped us a lot through it all, so I gave them a tight hug.

<333

“So why did those two nuts just leave me here, Pete?” Patrick looked at me, amused, with that easy and mesmerizing smile on his face.

I sat down next to him. He immediately hugged me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“It’s nice to be like this again…” Patrick said, kissing the top of my head.

“Tricky?” I laced our hands together.

“Hmm?” A content sigh escaped his lips.

“Marry me… I want you to be with me forever.” I whispered, not looking at him, but held his hand tighter.

“I thought you’d never ask.”


Ryan


“Hey, have you seen Brendon?” Jon asked. I looked up from my book and shook my head. I set my book down and grabbed my laptop instead, typing my life away.

“Well, okay. We just wanna tell you both that Spencey and I are gonna have dinner out and watch a movie. Stuff like that.” Jon grinned.

“Okay. I’ll tell him.” And I threw in a genuine curve of the lips.


Spencer and Jon have been stronger than ever. Sure, they still have their occasional get-the-fuck-away fights, but that’s just how they are. You should see the way they look at each other. They’re both lost in their own little worlds…

Pete says that he and Patrick are planning their wedding after their tour. Yeah, that guy always get to be the first to do things. I’m just really happy for them. Me and that guy have spent years supporting each other in getting through our fucked up love life. Nonstop IMs and long calls when I needed it. I think I’ll finally see the day where Pete Wentz cries of happiness…


So what about me? I’m-

“Ryan?” Brendon called from the kitchenette of the bus. “Yeah?” A smile naturally graced my face. It's that easy.

“I’ve got the snacks now. So let’s watch the boring movie you picked and make out!” He giggled.

Well, what he said. Gotta go. Besides, Pete said he’s gonna finish this story.

<333